ATHEISTS
You Can All Just Go to Hell
This is symbolic representation of the Invisible Pink Unicorn, often used in conjunction with the Flying Spaghetti Monster, to represent the Church of the Invisible Pink Unicorn or Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. [1] The Church of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (and that other one) along with their symbols are literally rhetoric devices used to parody and mock religions the world over, and probably primarily Christianity. The IPU "her"self is known as their goddess. As much fun as it is to mock Christians, creating a chuch to mock churches is just... asinine.
I'd like to bring something to everyone's attention, and it's something I feel is really important. I'm talking to all you atheists out there, and maybe a few agnostics leaning towards atheism. ATHEISM IS NOT A SYSTEM OF FAITH.
That didn't quite reach the dense centre mass of your brain where new knowledge is stored? Pay very close attention. Perhaps even read this more than once if you have to. Honestly, sit down, relax, breath in and out, whatever you have to do to get these words bouncing around in the infinite recessess of your empty skull. ATHEISM.
IS NOT.
A RELIGION.
You got it this time? Excellent; let's move on, shall we?
The level at which the joke that is atheism currently resides boggles the imagination. It's literally a huge farce that was created to parody the spirituality of the faithful by means of creating the very thing of which you so ademently strive to parody. You are a walking self-parody made up of facetious, arrogant, self-contradicting codswallopers that don't even know what it is to be atheist. What DOES it mean to be atheist? Well, let's take a peek at Wikipedia to find out.
"Atheism, in a broad sense, is the rejection of belief in the existence of deities. In a narrower sense, atheism is specifically the position that there are no deities. Most inclusively, atheism is simply the absence of belief that any deities exist. Atheism is contrasted with theism, which in its most general form is the belief that at least one deity exists."
What a bunch of self-indulgent bullshit. Let's take that apart sentence by sentence.
"Atheism, in a broad sense, is the rejection of belief in the existence of deities."
The rejection? That's a bit strong. Atheism is simply the lack of belief in the existence of said deities, but I'll give you that one despite the fact that "rejecting" religion makes you look like a prick. I mean, I don't believe in the existance of unicorns (see what I did there?), but I don't really consider myself rejecting the idea of unicorns. It's not something I think about, or give a shit about. Maybe you should do more not believing and less rejecting if you want to come across as someone who isn't bat-shit insane?
"In a narrower sense, atheism is specifically the position that there are no deities."
See, that's what I'm talking, short, simple, and to the point. It's also basically a milder reiteration of the first sentence, but that's forgivable at this point.
"Most inclusively, atheism is simply the absence of belief that any deities exist."
That's a valid...
...wait, isn't that exactly what you fucking just said? Isn't "..simply the absence of belief.." the same fucking thing as "..the position that there are no deities."? Honestly, if you're going to write a wikipedia article about the lack of something, at least use some thought in doing so.
"Atheism is contrasted with theism, which in its most general form is the belief that at least one deity exists."
WOW. That's four fucking versions of the same fucking sentence. Does it even count as a paragraph when you fucking paraphrase yourself four fucking times? What kind of anti-religious fuck wrote this shit? Let's compare this to the opposite, the article on theism, and see how a REAL writer, uh.. writes.
"Theism, in the broadest sense, is the belief that at least one deity exists. In a more specific sense, theism refers to a doctrine concerning the nature of a monotheistic God and God's relationship to the universe. Theism, in this specific sense, conceives of God as personal, present and active in the governance and organization of the world and the universe. The use of the word theism as indicating a particular doctrine of monotheism arose in the wake of the scientific revolution of the seventeenth century to contrast with the then emerging deism that contended that God, though transcendent and supreme, did not intervene in the natural world and could be known rationally but not via revelation."
I'm not going to go through all that because it's long and I'm lazy, plus it's nearly just as much pointless dribble as the atheism article. Still, my point remains that atheists are incapable of writing coherent sentences. I'm not sure what that has to do with the rest of this article, but there you go; atheists are illiterate.
I first came up with the idea for this article years ago whilst browsing about various religious sites. It was around this time I came upon several atheist websites for people who were all, well, atheist. Most of them were light-hearted places poking fun at religion and I found them interesting, funny, and even sometimes thought-provoking. Then I came across a few (I've since forgotten or I'd sure as hell link you) that seemed to stretch the concept of atheism to heights it had no right to. It was ridiculous and very nearly mind-melting, and I just sat there slack-jawed wondering what the fuck was wrong with these people.
Ladies and gentlemen, atheism is the LACK of religion, the LACK of spiritual belief, and the LACK of faith. It's not something to celebrate, to rejoice in, to debate about, or to even fucking acknowledge. As a friend put it, atheism is an empty cup whilst theism is a cup of holy water that kills vampires. [2] I'm paraphrasing slightly.
Just look at the aforementioned Wikipedia article and you'll see that it's a HUGE article, literally about nothing. How can you talk so much about nothing? There is literally an entire fucking manifesto building up this fake religion. It would like me being a movie director because I can't stand movies.
I have a few final words, perhaps some sage advice for all the heathens out there. Get off your high horse and shut the fuck up about your nothing. Please, atheists, I speak for myself and every-goddamn-body else who actually has something: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET A LIFE!
[1] Angeles, Peter A. (1992). Harper Collins Dictionary of Philosophy. Harper Perennial, New York. pp. ISBN 0-06-461026-8.
[2] Kestral. Cactopian Forums, Underground, Debate, Matters of faith...
[3] Invisible Pink Unicorn on Wikipedia
[4] Atheism on Wikipedia